Telling the truth about SME life today

Here are some jokes about salespeople that will not only leave your team rolling in the aisles, but also contain important lessons.

Perhaps “lessons” is too strong a word.

Guiding principles, shall we say.

RB presents: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly funnies about selling.

The Good

A young man walks into Harrods, looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience "

The kid answers, "Yeah, I’ve been a salesman for three years."

The manager takes a liking to the guy so he gives him the job.

His first day is challenging, he’s rushed off his feet, but he gets on with it.

After the store’s locked up for the evening, the manager comes down and asks: "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The kid says: "One."

The manager groans and continues: "Just one Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£110,237.64" The guy replies.

The manager chokes, exclaiming: £110,237.64″ What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook…Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, says: "You mean to tell me… a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4×4?".

"No no no……he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said………"Well, since your weekend’s screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing!""

The lesson” Innovative sales strategy. Thinking outside the box (ahem). Cross selling.

The Bad

A little old lady answers a knock on the door to be met by a vacuum cleaner salesman.

"Bugger off! I ain’t got no money!" she says.

Next thing, he tips a bucket of horse shit on her hallway carpet and says, "If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove all traces of this horse shit, madam. I will eat the remainder".

"Well" she says, "I hope you’re pretty damn hungry, because the electricity was cut off this morning!"

The lesson” Misunderstanding customer needs. Gimmicky sales technique.

The Ugly

A lady walks into a high-class jewellery shop. She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, hoping that the salesman may just have missed her little indiscretion, she asks: "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

No lesson.

If you have any suggestions for instructive sales-related jokes that you feel should be included here, please feel free to submit them below.The most edifying wins a prize.


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