Getting a tad desperate and end up in floods of tears all over poor second-in-charge yet again. Receive strict lecture along lines of not being much use to anyone if carted out door either to funny farm or with toes turned up. Am forced to recognise truth in this. Am currently attempting to do my job – including new brochure designs, staff assessments, recruitment (again!), coaching plus generally running company. In addition, am doing accounts guy’s full-time job while he’s off sick (prognosis a bit uncertain) and trying to take over Shrunk-on-top’s training brief for line managers now she has returned to Sussex to lick her personal wounds.
Am trying very hard not to resent this but do actually have one or two problems of my own: missing staff; my own house being in hands of totally unreliable builders; and endeavouring to help son to launch himself into big wide world and go off travelling for a year or so. Being a single mum, the latter is particularly hard to find correct balance of love and support. I sway between clinical organisation, complete frustration and the odd bout of complete hysteria. Part of me tempted to go on attempting to do everything and part of me tempted to curl up under duvet and not get out of bed again. Never was good at half measures. I hate being like this! Used to be able to take on the world and not end up gibbering wreck!