A new business opens up on the high street and one of the owner’s friends sends flowers for the occasion. They arrive at the new business site and the owner reads the card. It says: “Rest in Peace”. The owner is furious and calls the florist to complain. After he’s informed the florist of the mistake and how angry he is, the florist says, “Sir, I’m terribly sorry for the mistake but it could be worse.” At this, the owner is apoplectic with rage: “Worse ! How!?” “Well,” replies the florist, “Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location.”
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read "BEST DEALS". He was even more horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading "LOWEST PRICES". The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read "MAIN ENTRANCE".
A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, “What do you have for collateral?” The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, “I don’t know. I’m going to have to ask Mr Larson, the bank manager, to approve this.” He goes into Mr. Larson’s office and comes back. Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, “It’s a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!”
And one for all you Guinness fans…
The biggest beer producers in the world meet for a conference, and at the end of the day, the presidents of all the beer companies decide to have a drink together at a bar.
The president of Budweiser naturally orders a Bud, the president of Miller orders a Miller, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and so on down the list.
Then the bartender asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and to everybody’s amazement, he orders tea!
"Why don’t you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask suspiciously, wondering if they’ve stumbled on an embarrassing secret.
"Naaaah," replies Guinness. "If you guys aren’t going to drink beer, then neither will I."
And now something new for the Real Business funnies. We’re going to start showcasing the best, and most ridiculous inventions of the week. First up, the "Body Snake"…! Second, RB defy you to get the Snap Chop rap out of your head for the rest of the day!