Five of the best – and wackiest – online customer service conversations

Zappos has constantly been heralded for its amazing customer service. In 2011 a customer service representative physically went to a rival shoe store to get a specific pair of shoes for a woman when Zappos ran out of stock. The same year, it overnighted a free pair of shoes to a best man who had arrived at a wedding having forgotten his shoes.

Oh, and Zappos employees don’t read from scripts. Here’s an example of when Bonnie Frampton got in touch with one Justin P over Facebook:

Justin P: Hey, Bonnie! My name is Justin, but I’m known around the Zappos office as the master of the ninjas. I move silently like a shadow, as quick as lightning, and I slay bad customer service around the globe. I would be happy to help you with your UGGs.
Frampton: Thank you master ninja. I generally go by She Who Must Be Obeyed.
Justin P: She Who Must Be Obeyed, do you happen to have your order number handy?
Frampton: I could tell you but the message will self destruct in 30 seconds…197422947.
25…24…23…22…
Justin P: *Shadow Bomb, disappears*
Frampton: Foiled again.
Justin P: *From the shadows* Can you verify your full shipping address for me please?
Frampton: *sent by blow dart*
Justin P: *Snatches dart of of the air* Would you like me to send the replacement of the UGG Classic Short in Chestnut size 10 Medium to the address you verified above? My ninja hounds can have them to you by Thursday.
Frampton: That would be amazing! Are your ninja hounds able to dart past a pack of rabid raccoons?
Justin P: They are more than capable to handle a pack of rabid raccoons, that is a normal Thursday afternoon for them.
Frampton: *whew* I will have my agents posted at the coordinates at the appropriate time. Shall I post the destructive “boots” back in a return container? As soon as they are received you can begin shoe phone installation for Agent Smart. Do you copy?
Justin P: Affirmative. Your new order number is 211667029, the hounds will have it there by Thursday, please have the destructive merchandise back to me within 14 days or the hounds will be released. The link for your agent to transcribe will arrive to your inbox in just a moment.

Netflix has also repeatedly stated that creating positive customer experiences is a major goal for the company. The secret to its success? The cast of Star Trek, of course. Such is the story of Mike Mears, who started a chat with “Norm,” a Netflix customer who was having a problem streaming “Parks and Recreation“.

They both stayed in character the whole time, and after the transcript of the conversation landed on Reddit, websites around the world picked up the story. Mears was even interviewed on cable news channel HLN alongside William Shatner, who played Captain Kirk in Star Trek.

Mears: This is Capt. Mike of the good ship Netflix, which member of the crew am I speaking with today?
Norm: Greetings, Captain. Lt. Norm here. Engineering has a problem to report.
Mears: What seems to be the problem?
Norm: Visual displays are erratic, sir. Season 5, episode 13 of Parks and Recreation is behaving oddly.
Mears: How so, LT?
Norm: At five minutes of operation, the visual creates a temporal loop, and nearly three seconds of footage repeats over and over again.
Mears: Oh, no. LT I told you no watching Netflix while we sail through the Bermuda Triangle.
Norm: I’m an engineer, not a navigator. We also attempted to start the episode after the anomaly, and we were pulled back in and the loop continued. Worst of all, Captain… the dialogue… it looped over councilwoman Knope saying, “This is real life… This is real life… This is real life.”
Mears: That is a horrible place to get stuck. Councilwoman Knope is such a warrior.

Let’s also not forget the time that Sainsbury’s used all the fish puns it could when a customer complained about a packet of salmon.

Marty Lawrence tweeted the supermarket, telling the company he’d had trouble buying a packet of salmon, because it had no “bar cod”.

Here’s part of the exchange:

Sainsbury’s: Were there no other packs in the plaice, or was that the sole one on the shelf? Floundering for an explanation!
Lawrence: I tried dropping you a line but this whole situation is giving me a haddock. What are you going to do about it? Let minnow.
Sainsbury’s: If i’m herring you right, you’re looking to eel our relationship. I’ll tell the store to find the shelf & fillet.
Lawrence: I don’t think it’s necessary to scale the shelves. There’s no point doing it for the halibut. You might pull a mussel.
Sainsbury’s: I feel that some fin should be done to sort it trout. You shouldn’t have that hassle trying to spend a few squid.
Lawrence: Something dolpinately needs to be done about it. The quicker we sort it out the batter. Before the situation gets cray.
Sainsbury’s: Agreed, we mustn’t shark the issue. Salmon should be brought to account for this mis-shake.

Share this story

Close
Menu
Send this to a friend