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In plain Nerdish, please!

3 Mins

Move over Esperanto. According to pixmania, Nerdish is the fastest-growing language in Europe. So, if you’ve been feeling out of the loop and the screenagers in your cube farm have been whispering “Internot” whenever you walk by…

Here’s a crash course in deciphering the technobabble.

Right, presuming you’re not an alpha geek [self-explanatory – the biggest IT boffin in your office], the above terms will be Greek to you. A “cube farm” is an office divided into cubicles, a screenager – one of those irritating whelps that was born with an iPhone in one hand and a WIMAX-enabled Macbook Air in the other, and an “Internot”? Well, thankfully none of our RB.co.uk readers fall into that category, an internot’s someone who doesn’t use the net.

Now that you’ve gotten your brain around these basic terms, let’s see if you can translate the Nerdish below.

“Got to the cube farm ten minutes late, nearly missed the fleshmeet with the big cheese. Not that it would have mattered, that dumb internot can barely use his ancient doorstop. He just sits there fingering his keyboard plaque all day.

“Still, better watch my back. I’ve got a feeling he’s looking to have me uninstalled. Must schedule an Outlook date with the alpha geek, if I can pry him away from his media stacking.

“First, must delete history. The trail of ecosurfing isn’t gonna help my case if they’re downsizing. He’s not gonna believe I’m proving my bandwidth, not when our cobwebs are generating fewer hits than Spanners Weekly.

“Maybe I could convince the boss to make me an open-collar worker. Knowing my luck, he’ll just take that as a hint to hire some plug-and-play to fill my boots.

“Ergh. I wish cyberchondriac would stop eye-balling my monitor. He totally clocked this macarena page. I just want to say, ‘Go work on your time-boxing, mouse potato!’. How about a little Monday afternoon revenge…

“New message. ‘Unbeatable tips for chatting up hotties!

Ha ha ha ha…”

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