Any other business

Published

Start your bank holiday weekend with a giggle

3 Mins

The expenses jokes

Those MPs are at it again! Now, they’re trying to replace the speaker in the House of Commons. Haven’t the crooked bastards spent enough on electrical goods recently?!

How many MPs does it take to change a lightbulb?Two. One to submit the receipt, and one to try and figure out why John Lewis has actually delivered a 42-inch plasma TV.

What’s the difference between Parliament and McDonald’s?One books the cooks and the other…

The last person to enter Parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes…

The rules

Smart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtimeBad parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and a terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He used nothing but polite words and played soft, relaxing music; he tried everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might actually have hurt the parrot and opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said: "I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

David was astounded at the bird’s change of attitude and was about to ask what had changed his mind, when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"Inventions of the week

Real Business loves this portable handheld toaster from Korean designer Been Kim. It’s wireless and lets hungry hipsters have their toast and eat it on the go.

FYI: The little butterflies represent its heat strength.

And finally, stuck for a venue for your next AGM? Why not use the SpaceBuster? This inflatable event space looks like a blown up condom. Real Business might just hold a relaunch in one of these babies some day…

Related articlesBusiness humour and "Inventions of the week"Business jokes: corporate astrology and the "inventions of the week"Fancy a giggle? Check out the Real Business Friday funnies

Share this story

The Apprentice: babies and Ben
Did you know?
Send this to a friend