First up, here are the jokes hot off the gag press… Just got an advent calendar from Woolworths.All the windows were boarded up. MFI are now into administration, yet the THIS WEEKEND ONLY sale still goes on. MFI is set to collapse just months after its future was said to be secure. But when they unwrapped the rescue package, there was a vital bit missing. Typical. *** Next up, a festive gag to tickle your fancy:- A guy walks in to a kebab shop and is surprised to see Father Christmas serving behind the counter. "Santa!" he says. "What are you doing working here? Shouldn’t you be up at the North Pole preparing for the big day?" Santa Claus sighs. He’s really let himself go. The red suit’s got lard, chilli sauce and bits of lettuce all over it. His apron’s in a mess. He just looks fed up miserable. "Well," Santa explains. "The business has gone belly up. With the recession, the credit crunch and all, the toy industry took a beating. I had to lay off some of the elves, make cut backs in quality and we just lost our competitive edge. Plus, we wound up the delivery side and subcontracted out to UPS. But it didn’t help. The receivers came in, asset-stripped the business and we went into liquidation." "Blimey!" the guy says. "I’m really sorry. That kind of takes the tradition out of Christmas." "Yeah," says Santa Claus, managing a wan smile. "Well, enough of me and my woes. What can I get you?" The guy says, "I’ll have a large Donner." "Sorry," says Santa. "We’re all out of Donner. Will Blitzen do instead?" *** And lastly, some good, old-fashioned bad taste… "Seen my new secretary?" asked the businessman."Yeah," his buddy replied. "She’s gorgeous.""Well, she’s a Robot. The latest model from Japan.""Jeez, that’s amazing! What can she do?""If you squeeze her left breast, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right breast, she types 185 words per minute for you. And when you have sex with her it feels better than the real thing.""Sounds perfect.""l got hurt once, though.""How?""Well," he grimaced. "Let’s just say I didn’t realise she also came with a pencil sharpener…" Related articlesLaughter is the best medicineTGI Friday: Let the gags beginHold onto your sides: it’s the Friday funnies
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